it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
