This is not my ceiling
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
