Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
