i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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