Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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