i wish my penis had a tongue
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
