And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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