I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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