I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
