I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
