i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
