The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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