it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's Friday. Sex?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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