if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
