No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
