Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
