You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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