Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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