i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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