sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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