My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
