I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
