I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
