I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
