Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
