covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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