the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
