im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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