i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will be naked everywhere
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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