The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How does one acquire holy water?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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