he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?