you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
