a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
