My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
