i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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