just come out here and I will go home with you...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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