I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
