genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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