Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
