So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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