im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
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does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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