i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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