Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
