Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
