Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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