last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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