We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
