and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
