I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
