u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
