worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
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Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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