she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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