Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
