Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
