I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
