Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
