I seem to have left my pride at pride
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
