hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
