New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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