she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
