he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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