Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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