I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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