i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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